This is a post that I never thought I would ever have to write, because this is the type of thing that happens to other people. If I was to watch this on Eastenders, I would think it was an unbelievable story line, but this is true and very real.This post is sensitive and sad, but it needs explaining why I have missed deadlines and why our life is full of uncertainty and sadness.
Three weeks ago my world was turned upside down when my son told me that his sister's boyfriend had been arrested and bailed for possessing and distributing indecent child images. I was horrified and straight away I went into protective mummy mode, as that's what you do isn't it? I checked out her Facebook page, to see if there was anything I had missed. I tried to phone her and message her, all I wanted to do was reassure her that I would help her through this. The only thing I didn't understand was why she would want to stay with him when she was 8 months pregnant with her own daughter.
The most worrying thing about the arrest was that he had been arrested and bailed in march 2015, a whole 5 months ago, and I was only just finding about it now! My daughter told me that it was because Social services had told her not to make me aware of what had happened, The police didn't notify me, even though this man had become a part of my family, he had been in my home, he had seen my 5 year old daughter naked one day when she walked down the stairs after taking her clothes off!
I felt so sick about the whole situation, my daughter had discovered she was pregnant in December 2014, we haven't always got on perfectly but this pregnancy bonded us together. Within weeks this man had moved my daughter across the country to a town in Gloucestershire, contact almost completely stopped as she started to ignore Facebook posts, phone calls and Skype calls. The only time she answered would be when Tilly called her, Tilly loved to see her sister and the boyfriend on the screen and it made it easier for her to cope with her sister moving away. Suddenly the boyfriend disappeared from all his social media and I asked my daughter what was wrong. She simply told me that her boyfriend was depressed and needed time away. The contact between Tilly and her sister carried on Skyping, this time she was alone on the camera and the boyfriend would talk to Tilly but not be seen. This I thought was strange, yet I didn't want to keep questioning their choices, Afterall they were starting out on their own and I needed to give them space to prepare for their own family.
Between March and July, things were strained and my daughter would not return phone calls, when ever I wrote on her wall, I would be told that I never asked how she was or blaming me for not understanding her problems. Yet she never told me her problems and when I tried to get her to open up, She wouldn't. I knew this wasn't her, so when I finally was told about what was happening, it was almost a relief as I could help her...... or so I thought.
I found out that this man had moved her away from her new life in Gloucestershire and she now lived in a town in Worcestershire. I had never even heard of Worcestershire, I thought it was just a crisp flavour! So my girl was alone, in a strange town whilst her boyfriend was apparently in a bail hostel. This is where things start to get twisted and everyone in the situation tells a different story!
My ex husband tells me about the bail hostel, my daughter says he lives elsewhere - so I don't know where he lives, I just know he wasn't allowed to live with my daughter. My daughter told me that if I tell anyone that I will be banned from having anything to do with my grand child, So even before she was born - my grandaughter was being used as a weapon. My heart was absolutely broken and I was devastated. After speaking to her social worker I was told that my daughter had been groomed and brainwashed (something I suspected already). This made me start to understand why she would want to stay with her boyfriend and I thought she would put her little girl first as soon as a bond would start kicking in, A baby sometimes isn't real until she arrives.
My daughter assured me that her baby would be safe and told me measures that were going to be put into place, the social worker told me different. Living in a different county made things so hard and I kept offering to go up as I was worried about her. Only to be told that I couldn't go up because it would mean that she couldn't see her boyfriend. To have a vile evil man like that put before us was so sad and distressing that it made me realise, she really was under some kind of spell.
My daughter would ask me to phone her and then call the police to say I was harassing her! The police phoned me and notified me that they wouldn't be supporting any injunctions she wanted against me. I knew that she was trying to discredit me as a mother, But when she complained to social services about me and told them that she didn't want me knowing anything about the case it was the final straw. There was nothing I could do to please my child, even though I wasn't doing anything wrong. All I could do was sit and watch the details unravel.
This is how easy it is for a child or young lady to be groomed and you don't notice. This is no where near the end of the story, but like all good soap opera's I am going to be continuing tomorrow because it is a lot to take in and this family has really become a contender for Jeremy Kyle, The only problem is that I still have all my teeth ;)
Without the support of some really close friends and family, I couldn't have got through the last few weeks. Trying to keep everything normal for Tilly has been hard, I haven't been able to lose it at all for fear of Tilly realising there is a problem. She has asked us if her sister has forgotten her, but we change the subject. Its just too hard to explain to a five year old, what her sister is going through.
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