Wow can you believe its your second birthday? Its now been two whole years since you were born, 2 long years since I have been allowed to see you. Its been hard not having you in our life, its been hard missing every milestone that you should be doing. I never saw you learning to walk, talk or crawl and now over the next few years there are going to be so many more milestones that we will miss. BUT as much as this pains me and makes me cry, I also know that you are with a family that wants you so much.
I know that you are safe from any harm and I know that he can never find you. I woke up with a smile today because it wsas your birthday and I was thinking about the excitement that you must be feeling and I know how happy your parents must be to have you in their lives. You have probably made their life complete by being part of it, but please always remember that your birth mother and her family love you very much. We live in the hope that one day, when you're older you will come and find us.
I have been struggling the past few weeks, I don't know if I made the right choice by not doing the whole letterbox contact thing. At the time of your adoption, we were trying to keep it together and our priority was to keep you safe. So we chose not to go for letterbox contact, now I wonder if we should have done it. We are missing out on so much by not having you as part of our life, but if I had a photo of you - I would just want more, I would want to hold you in my arms. Hopefully one day there will be a day when that can happen.
So the last year has actually been quite busy! I took Tilly travelling around Europe for the summer last year, now she has a travel bug and wants to go to Europe all the time. We get off a plane from being somewhere and she asks me when we are going away again. I think as soon as she is old enough she will be out there, travelling the world.
Kim has started a blog! Can you believe it? All of these years of her asking me why I waste so much time on the internet and pretend that I am working, and she starts a blog of her own. it has been going for nearly a year now and it is so good for her to have an outlet. She has been an absolute star through out the past 2 years and somedays when I struggle with the whole situation, I wonder why I cannot be brave like her and have her strength and dignity.
Zach is still living in Holland with Amber and they are getting married in September, it has been something positive for us all to look forward to. But there will be a guest missing. Tilly is flower girl and she is taking her responsibilites very seriously!
As for me, I am throwing myself into work to try and keep myself busy. As well as raising awareness of what your dad has done, I am determined that nobody will ever be a victim of his.
So happy birthday to you on this lovely 2nd birthday, enjoy the day with your family and I hope you got loads of lovely presents.
Happy Birthday Baby
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