Today after a chat with the Doctor i was referred back to the Mental Heath unit. I am finding it such a struggle to be a parent at the moment whilst working, studying at college, balancing my life out with my children and trying to control my Bipolar without meds.
If anyone has read my tiny blog about PND, you will know how severely ill i was following the birth of Tilly. The fact that at one stage i chose to end my life send shivers down my body. After 2 years and 2 months i finally felt like i could move forward and i suddenly felt this rush of love for my innocent beautiful daughter. But the PND has bought an underlying illness to the surface and i now have to live with this long term. It was decided by the Mental Health Doctor that i wouldnt be medicated as it wasnt severe enough and the negatives from the meds would outweigh any benefits i would recieve. So here i am nearly a year later and i am mentally and physically drained, i am tried with life and cant fight the mood swings at the moment. I can go 3 or 4 days sleeping for 2 hours a night and then i will go to bed at 5pm and sleep untill 8am the next day. - not a way to live. My Doctor was fab and listened, so Zoppiclone has become my new friend
Before i had PND i thought mental health problems were for nutty people and not people like me, but as i learned more about my illness i realised there are more people out there than i could ever of guessed. People with mental health are not all nutters with 20 personalities and voices in their head, they are people that you walk past in the street every day. They are the mother with the new baby, They are the teacher at the local school, They are the child that cant cope with the stress of life and they are the TV personality or celebrity you aspire to be like.
With my experience with severe PND, i found it attacked me, ripped me apart completely changing the dynamics of my life, i put the pieces back together but they formed a different shape and my life changed so much. i became a different person and my circle of friends changed, the ones that laughed or didnt offer support had no right to be part of my life. The friends that understood me, stayed and supported me. I also made new friends, friends i never thought i would never be friends with and they are the people that i will be lifelong friends with. You think your the only one - but your not, your surrounded by people who care and understand. You meet knew people who can help you and support you. Always speak out if you have Mental Health problems, the person you least expect could be your lifeline
Quotes from Celebs with mental health problems
1. Dame Kelly Holmes: Athlete
“I became depressed and I cut my self with scissors and stuff.”
2. Sinead O’Connor: Musician
“I had developed manic depression [bipolar disorder] … and the main symptoms the constant voice in the head telling you to kill yourself.”
3. Hugh Laurie: Actor
“It gets on top of me and I get frustrated.”
4. Caroline Aherne: Actress
“I try to piece together what I did and why I did it, but it’s just a big blackout.”
5. Robbie Williams: Singer
“I’ve really been grappling with depression. It’s all linked with my cocaine and ecstasy abuse.”
6. Stephen Fry: Actor and director
“I may have looked happy but inside Iwas hopelessly depressed.”
7. Tony Slattery: Comedian
“There’s psychomotor agitation, where you’re endlessly pacing, and you can’t sleep and you’re short-tempered.”
8. Gail Porter: TV presenter
“It’s horrible, horrible, horrible. It took a year and a half until I found out that I had post-natal depression.”
9. Brooke Shields: Actress
“I just felt as though I would never be happy again, and as if I had fallen into a big black hole.”
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