Tuesday, 21 January 2014

'Mummy can i have a daddy?'

Tilly asked me recently if she could have a daddy like her friend. I knew the day would come where he would ask such a question but i didn't think it would come when she was still my little innocent girl. I want to scream because he is a low life alcoholic who used to shout at her for not looking at him when she was 5 weeks old or that he used to throw furniture around the house around her or even the fact that he threatened to take her from me one Christmas and that i would never see her again ( A harassment order is now well and truly in place). But here I find myself trying to think of a different reason for why she doesn't have a dad.

Of course i knew the day would come that she would ask about a daddy but i really thought she would be a little bit older and it would be easier to explain, now i need to find an explanation that she will understand. We have always told her that she doesn't have a dad because she has a big brother and her  'daddy mike' (my friends husband) but it appears she wants more of an explanation now.

Dads are supposed to be there to enjoy the fun times with their daughters, to praise their daughters and to encourage their daughters.......Tillys dad does none of the above. Tillys dad would rather be spotted around town with cans of beer poured into his sports bottle (trying to hide it) carrying cans in his back pack and wearing a baseball cap pulled down to hide the fact he has the most reddest of faces. So do i sit here and think of a romantic story to put together about him that she will understand and grow up knowing, only to find out when she is older that its all a bunch of lies or do i just tell her a sugar coated version of the truth? I don't believe in lying to my children (says the lady who has told Tilly we are going to Ashford for a holiday when in fact we are going to Disneyland Paris).

He doesn't even deserve to have the title of 'Dad' because it gives a false impression, we all know that dads are caring loving people who would put their children first. And unfortunately Tilly comes way down the list in his priorities (the top of which is beer!). I have asked him many times to give up his alcohol for the sake of seeing Tilly (and his other children) grow up, but we all know that you cant help someone untill they are willing to accept the help and admit there is a problem.

My biggest fear is that Tilly will grow up and her dad will no longer be around. You cant drink as much as he does and expect to live a healthy life for the next 20 odd years. There is one thing not wanting to acknowledge her in public and keeping her as his dirty little secret, but there is another thing having that chance of a relationship snatched away from her.

I do feel so very sorry for him and the way his life is turning out and i wish he would sort it out for himself and his children, and it saddens me to hear things around the town about the way he is turning up at the school to collect his children whilst drunk. It makes me so glad that he has no parental responsibility in Tillys life and i cant believe any mother would put their own children in danger by letting him look after them, but we are all different and i know i made the right choice to remove my child from that situation.

So here we are ....... what do i tell Tilly? Answers on a postcard please addressed to  confusedmumoffour@thesmallesthouseintheworld.com lol

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