Monday, 3 March 2014

Being An Older Mummy

When i was younger i had 3 kids in 3 years and yes it was tough at the time, but they grew up close untill they were teenagers then they seemed to go in their own separate way in life. I had always said that when they were older, it would be nice to hava a baby to actually sit back and enjoy without it being such a hard slog ...... Boy was i wrong!

I was 37 when i had Tilly, although it isnt old, it was much harder than when j had the other kids, the pregnancy was very tough and quite traumatic at times. My mother was less than supportive and when i told her i was pregnant she told me i was too old to be having a baby and it would be born with birth defects - something i will never forgive her for and possibly the start of the loss of relationship with her.

Having a child when i was older took a toll on my body and wore me out even before she was born. She was such a precious little thing and such a wanted child, but i just wanted the pregnancy over and done with. I had enjoyed being pregnant when i was younger - i even had the 'glow' with the older ones, but there was nothing with Tills - just 9 months of sickness.

After Tilly was Born, i was up and about trying to be supermum like you do, even though i had a c-section. But it was still so much harder. The getting up in the night and then having to go to work, still gets to me. I am 41 now and i wonder if i will ever get a full night sleep again, as by the time Tilly sleeps through properly, there will no doubt be grandchildren keeping me up all night!

Being an older mum, you do tend to do things differently than you did with the older children, i am slightly more laid back and i do give her peanuts, where they were banned from the house until Beth was 5 years old and i knew they couldn't develop an allergy, Tilly is spoilt but its because i can! i am working and able to buy her nice stuff, and with there only being one little one in the house, it means she gets nice things, where as when i was a mum first time round, i had to stretch the money 3 ways and although i have worked all the time they were growing up, it was still hard to be able to afford bits for them.

There are of course the funny sides to being an older mum, when she was born, people naturally assumed that tilly belonged to kim or beth. One person even asked if it was Kims baby and we were hiding the fact! Someone stopped Beth in the high street and asked her how she coped with the baby whilst she was still at school, she simply replied with ' its so easy!' People are quick to judge when they see a teenager pushing a pram. I spend a fortune on hair colour as i was called Tillys granny quite alot when she was younger, if we go out for the day as a family, i get called granny and we just chuckle about it now. One day Zach went to collect Tilly from nursery and a little girl shouted 'Tilly your dad is here' she looked up and simply said 'that's my brother' and laughed. Big gaps in families are common now as families separate and move on to have further children with new partners, being a family isnt as simple as it used to be.

When i was at primary school, there was a little girl who had elderly parents and i could never understand how this happened when my mum was so young, i never knew how old her mum was but i just remember her having grey hair and wrinkles.The friend did try and explain to me that her mum had her late in life as they couldnt have children, but i never got it as a child and one of my biggest fears for Tilly is that people will think this when she is at school! I dont want her to be known as the kid with the old mum, so i must keep colouring my hair!

One of the saddest parts of being an older mum is that inevitably the older ones start to leave home, Beth has already gone and comes back to see Tilly a couple of times a week, but Zach is about to leave soon too and he isnt going local, he is leaving the country. Zach and Tilly have a strong bond and it is going to be hard for both of them when he goes as they are both used to living in each others pockets. But it has to be done and he needs to do his own thing.

Being an older mum means i don't have the energy to chase Tilly and play with her after a day at work, and at the weekends all i secretly want to do is veg out in front of the TV, but i cant as she wants to do loads of things and have 'special days' where we go out. But like they say, there is no rest for the wicked.

Of course having a 3 year old does make me feel young at times, when i tell people i have a three year old they smile politely and ask if i will have any-more, i say no and tell them she is my 4th child and when i tell them that my older ones are 18,20 and 21 they are pretty shocked, so beneath the tired bags underneath my eyes, the dark brown hair dye and the overtired interior of my body, i must look younger than i do - that part i actually like!

I do love being a mum again, even despite all the negatives because as soon as my child wakes me up at some stupid hour in the morning and smiles at me, tells me she loves me - i forget the tiredness and how hard it is at times. I wouldnt turn back the clock for anything. :)

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