Friday, 14 March 2014

'Mummy have i got a Grandma?'

Recently after talking to her best friend Gracie, Tilly asked me 'Mummy have i got a Grandma?' I had to tell her no she doesnt, which then led to a flood of questions of why she doesnt and can she have one.

This got me thinking about families and these days what is a normal family? How is everyones family put together? To Tillys friends, her family set up must look odd as she has older siblings of 18. 20 and 21 instead of siblings that are smaller. Tillys brother is quite often called her dad by the other children when he collects her from school. Having her older siblings is like having extra parents.

Kimmy, Zach and Beth have their dad who i was married to and he lives in Hampshore and he hasnt made the effort to see his kids for about 10 years Although he does send them a card at christmas with £20 in it, i guess he thinks this makes up for the lack of involvement in their life. I did tell him when they were younger, that if he didnt keep a relationship with them then he will lose out as they grow up because they wont want to know him. He chose not to do this! It was hard for them when they were growing up as they had to see him with his new and much older wife playing happy families with her children, grand children and great grandchildren. Over the years he has spent special occaisions with the new extended family and not his kids, he even bought one of his step children a car! something that upset my children greatly and once again i am here to pick up the pieces. But my children had to grow up thinking this behaviour of showing his step children and step grand children more love and attention than he ever gave them was hurtful. They kind of disowned him as a dad and to them he is just another normal person in their life like a friend. Two of the kids even dropped his sir name from their name.

When my relationship with Tillys dad broke down, not only did she lose out on having a dad, but also
grandparents and half brothers and sisters. He has denied this from her but i know if she wants when she is older, she can have the involvement in her life and i will help her all the way.

My extended family is put together of some wonderful people, my aunty has become 'Nanny Jan' and my uncle has become 'Grandad Camper' So Tilly has adopted some grandparents and i know if she ever needs something, they will be there for her.

I have the most amazing friends Mike and Sam and Mike has become Tillys stand in dad, she calls him 'Daddy Mike' when Tilly was 2, we were visiting my freinds and Mike came home from work and his two boys ran to the door shouting 'Daddy, Daddy' so tilly thought this was normal and did the same, the name has stuck and i know he will look out for her.

Tilly has a good relationship with my brother Richard although through my own admittance we dont make the effort enough to go and see him!

I have gained many sisters from when i was ill. These ladies share a bond with me and we all have something in common with each other and this makes us unbreakable like sisters and sometimes these people are the first people i turn to in a crisis. I know each and everyone of them will be there for me and my kids in a time of crisis.

We do have many friends that have almost become family to us and Tillys best friend said she will share her grandma when she visits from Leeds at the weekend, a gesture so small and innocently said, but it made Tillys day. It meant alot for a 4 year old.

So my family may not be normal, infact at times its dysfunctional and its put together in different dimensions
than your standard family, but its made of people we chose to have in our lives and its full of special people. Its made up of people who have made our journey through life so loving and special - i know i chose right!

Everyone in my life is a jigsaw piece and they all slot together to make the bigger picture. Once its complete it will make the perfect picture, but for now i am happy with how my family looks :)

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