Thursday, 29 May 2014

Friends with Benefits - The truth behind the fun

Friends with Benefits
Two friends who have a sexual realtionship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogomous relationship or any kind of commitment
So who decides that your relationship is going to be 'Friends with Benefits?

 Is it the man who is scared of commitment or the women who has been hurt in the past and looking for a bit of fun, thinking that she wont get hurt this way (in reality we do because you cant have a relationship with a man without getting involved) So you get together, you have chemistry and are we lying to ourselves saying this is what we want or are we too scared to ask for more? Do we really talk to each other about the relationship? These relationships sound great to start with, you have someone to hang out with and get together with when your feeling frisky

What happens when you do fall in love with you FWB?

 In reality, most blokes get what they want from you in this relationship and dont want to make you their girlfriend as that would mean a commitment. You have to decide whether you feel ready to tell your FWB that your falling in love or you have to decide whether to carry on as you are in a relationship that is a lie to you. If you tell them your feelings and they dont feel the same, then how will you cope? So are you willing to carry on as you are? Falling in love with your FWB, is dangerous in this relationship as you could lose what you have.
So who first coined the phrase 'friends with benefits'? 
Although the phrase has been round for many years, it seems to have been bought to the publics eye by Alanis Morrisette in the mid 90s with one of her songs. Since then it has entered the urban dictionary as a phrase and seems to have become the new phrase for 'casual sex'. so instead of going out to find casual sex, then we all seem to go out to find a 'friend with benefits' in the hope that it sounds better than 'casual sex'
What percentage of people opt for a FWB?
According to the study, a whopping 47 percent of singles had a friends with benefits relationship in 2012, up from a meager 20 percent the year before. What's more surprising? Many of these arrangements are turning into long-term relationships.

Is it commitment fear?

commitment sends terror through the bodies of grown men and sends chills down the spines of grown women. In this day and age it seems as if less people are trying to commit to anyone other than themselves. Sadly, this thought exists in the minds of many people, and this perpetuates the "player" mentality. This causes many people to shy away from commitment and opt for less "formal" relationship types. These relationships can fall under the umbrella of just casual dating or "friends with benefits". People most often run from commitment because of fear. Fear of commitment comes from many places and is caused by many different issues. Commitment comes with demands and expectations and now days

When is a FWB relationship over?

Know when its time to say goodbye and finish things. There are four main reasons that a FWB relationship ends. One person gets too attached and if your not willing to take it further, then get out! one person finds someone else he really wants to date, or both people just get bored and want to move on. Or it may simply be that the time has come for you to take different paths, like the person is moving away, your leaving college/uni or your summer holiday is over! Once you have a feeling that it may be over, then it's over. If the rules have been set at the start of the relationship, then saying goodbye shouldnt be too hard - unless you have of course fallen in love and its hard (yes i am speaking from experience), you may of course use this time to choose to turn it into a proper commitment with each other, if this is the case then i would just relax and enjoy it, whilst carrying on to be the person her first met.

My FWB is someone from my inner circle of friends

Speaking from experience, i wouldn't go there! many a great friendships have been lost this way. It seems such a good idea at the time, yet when it all falls apart or you find its come to a natural end. I was very hurt by a FWB relationship went very wrong, looking back it was a mistake and i shouldn't have done it, when it all finished badly, i not only lost him as a friend but i lost other friends too. it divided my friends into two and i felt very lost. Nowadays i protect myself from this kind of relationship by not being close to the other party involved and i may come across as the ice queen, but thats how i like it.

We could go on forever discussing the pro's and cons of a FWB relationship with someone else, but to be honest there are so many unanswered questions like Do your friends believe you when you say its only FWB? are you showing others that you care more for the other person, whilst telling yourself that it is only FWB? Having FWB seems the great answer to some people, and for those that dont want a full on relationship, then its perfect. Its great if thats how you want to start a relationship like this and it leads to a full blown relationship - but dont kid yourself, if he doesnt want a relationship now, he may not want one in the future - you cant change him!

No comments:

Post a Comment

An Open Letter To A Rude Customer In The Supermarket

Dear Shopper in Iceland I think you dropped something in the doorway of the shop as you came in. Oh yeah you did, it was your manners! ...