Saturday, 23 August 2014

Changing Families, How Do You Cope When Your Kids Dont Need You?

Sometimes when i look at my little family i wish i could hold on to them forever! but reality is - i cant!! When Beth Moved out in March, i was ready for her to go. She was out growing the house and us, she needed to spread her wings. I hated the fact that one of my children lived elsewhere,
but i also knew that it was time for her to make her own mistakes and move on to the next part of her life. But within weeks Zach had gone too - this i definatley wasnt ready for! he was my boy, the only one of my children that i had full custody for (his dad snatched him at a year old and disappeared for 24 hours, nobody would tell me where they were and within 18 hours i was in the courts and had been granted full custody) Zach is my boy and the man of the house, to let him go was hard especially as he was going to another country and it was the thought of him going to the unknown. I cried my heart out for 2 days before and after he left. It wasnt untill i went out there a month later that i knew he was safe as i had seen where he lived. sometimes i think FFS pull yourself together, your son is 20 years old.

Kimmy is 22 and i think she will be with me forever! she has no intention of moving out i dont think and to be honest, being left alone with a small child terrifies me! I would live in a world of no adult conversation in the evenings and i would only have Tilly to talk to. I empathise with my single parent friends who have this every day of their life!

Now i have come to a part in my life where i have to learn to let Matilda go! She has a new adventure starting in her life in september as she gets ready to go to ‘big school’. I am in no way ready for this, and the idea of taking parental leave is that it will help us both to adapt to the change and to help with the separartion. I am dreading leaving Tilly at the school on her first day, whilst at the same time i am excited at the thought of her being ready for her new adventure. She is growing up so fast and again i wish i could just capture her as she is and keep her little forever, but it isnt going to happen and it isnt going to help her with the transition into school.

The dynamics of my little family have changed so much over the past 6 months and i am trying so hard to embrace the change - but its so hard!
To all you parents out there, having to go through the same thing over the close future, i wish you the best of luck and i empathise as letting go is so hard!

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