Tuesday, 9 September 2014

A letter To Tilly - Starting School

Dear Tilly, my little pumpkin

I can hardly believe that my tiny little 8lb 3oz baby is actually starting big school in the morning. where have all the years gone? where is my baby that always asked me for a 'duddle', The little girl that thought she was a real life princess and my little pumpkin who still likes climbing in bed with mummy.

Tomorrow is a milestone that i often wondered if we would ever get to share it together. The two years and 2 months i lost with the PND, mean i will never get your babyhood back. Sometimes when your brother and sisters say to me 'Do you remember when we did this......' or 'Do you remember when.....?' I always nod, and say yes but the truth is so much of our history together is lost somewhere in my memories. I actually knew i was suffering PND and i made sure there were lots of photos taken so i could get
some memories back that way, but i look at the pictures and feel a blank look on my face! I am sure one day i will be able to look at them and smile with remembrance

But hey, we have made up for it over the past couple of years, haven't we? We have been on so many adventures together, and some pretty random trips to different places. You have been my shadow - but i love it :).

So tomorrow is a new chapter in our life as you go to the school gates with your sisters, and you officially become a pupil in the local school. I am sorry i cant be there for your first day, but i am sure you love your sisters taking you and i will be there the next 10 days to take you and collect you.

You look so cute in your school uniform and i just want to squidge  you and cuddle you forever, i have lost so much time with you in the past and now i feel like your being taken away to be left in someone elses charge for 6 hours a day, thats 6 hours a day that i cant protect you and smother you. 6 hours a day that i will miss you (untill i go back to work in a couple of weeks haha)

I'm not ready for you to go to school, your my baby!
i'm not ready for you to start growing up and i just want to keep you as you are - mummies little baby, but it isnt going to happen.

We have lost a couple of years together but we have many more to come. I am sure on thursday i will leave you at the school gate (letting go will be so hard!) and i will shed a tear for the next stage in your life is about to start.

i love you to Gallifray and back!

Lots of Love Mummy

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

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