Saturday, 8 August 2015

Vicky And The Lost Grandchild

So here I am after spilling the beans last night about the 'alleged' sex offender who had wormed his way into my family and then ripped it apart with his doings. if you missed it, the post is here

My daughter's baby was due on 11th August 2015, but as she was breech and there was cause for concern about the mental health of my daughter it was decided that she should go in a week early. So the date was set for 4th August. Knowing that her BF would not be allowed in the hospital played on my mind for a few days, after all she was in a new town where she knew nobody except her boyfriends family and she had no friends.
A few days before the section was booked, we tried to ring her. I rang and Kim rang, but with her history of calling the police when i tried to ring her, I didn't want to call too much. I called my ex husband, Now he is an ex for a reason and the more you read this you will understand why. My ex husbands wife answered the phone and said they hadn't heard from my daughter, but he came on the line and said that he had heard from her! Odd, I thought that they both had different stories to tell. But as I was getting a bit frantic about my daughter, I let it slip and we went back to our lunch after he reassured us that he would let us know if he heard anything from my daughter. The time was 12.30pm

We tried to call again later on in the afternoon but someone put the calls to answer phone, we know this as it rang a random amount of times. Finally Kim got hold of her sister at 7.30pm and said how worried we had been and that we didn't want her to be alone for the birth of the baby. My daughter answered with 'Too late already had it at 1.30 this afternoon and dad has been to visit' Kim was so stunned as well as me that a whole 6 hours after she had the baby, we only found out by accident! My daughter said if she wanted a photo she was to ask my ex husband as he had one on his phone.

Kim phoned my ex husband and it went to answer phone, so she called again and it went to answer phone, now he may of been the worst ex husband and dad as the kids were growing up, but he always called back straight away if he missed a call. A couple of hours later she got a text saying he had been out for the day and that he had a lovely time. He had lied to his own daughter about where he had been! he wasn't even man enough to own up that he had lied to us earlier in the day and he was in fact on his way to Worcester to see my daughter who was in labour, he had been told 1 and half hours before the baby was born, so it all adds up with the fact that they both gave me a different answer when I phoned them. Kim asked for a photo of the baby and he refused, he simply told her that my daughter didn't want us knowing about the baby and that she didn't want us to have a photo. My daughter had told Kim to get a photo from him, yet he still refused to send her one. This of course gave him some kind of superiority over everyone, because he held the only photo of the baby. I felt so sick because it had been 11 hours since my daughter had given birth and both Kim and I were not allowed a photo or any details. I actually started to think that the baby had died in child birth. there is no worse feeling in the world when you are in limbo and you don't know whats happened to someone close to you.

Eventually he sent her a photo by midnight, but the damage was done. Kim was devastated with the way he had lied, sneaked around and stabbed her in the back and refused to send a photo. That was the day she swore never to speak to him again. This man had bought her up from 3 months and he had chosen one daughter over another. I phoned the duty social worker who assured me the baby was safe in the hospital and she wasn't allowed to leave. Then I found out that my daughters boyfriend wasn't allowed to visit the baby either. I knew then that they were both safe and she could get to know her daughter.

Since the birth of the baby, not once has my daughter sent me a picture! I was told I wasn't allowed to see the photo, I was told i wasn't allowed to the hospital and she hasn't even told me the details! Her dad on the other hand is trying to be top dog with her, its funny really because 20 years ago he was the one who told me to abort my daughter or he would divorce me! of course I kept my daughter, and now she has turned to him because he is the one supporting her with the 'alleged' sex offender boyfriend. He is the one who knew about the dangers and he still let her carry on with him, he was the one that knew social services were involved and she was likely to lose her baby to the system.

My daughter has not announced the babies birth on Facebook or told her friends, everyone is banned from posting on her wall about the baby and she has even blocked me. So I won't lie, this has crushed me and my family. To make it worse, she called the baby XXXXX - she named her after the baby I lost in miscarriage 6 years ago almost to the day, that the baby was born and now I have lost another child of the same name! As far as I know the baby is being cared for by foster parents, but that's all I know, I have been banned from knowing anything and even though we wanted to give the baby a home until my daughter was ready to look after her. She has chosen for her to go to strangers. When I first found out about the arrest of her boyfriend for downloading and distributing child porn, I begged her to come home. She refused, but she could of saved herself so much heartache, we could of worked together to keep the baby out of the system.

I am angry at the way my ex husband has acted over this whole incident and he knows that social services were concerned for her mental health, yet he still insisted on keeping everything from me. over the past couple of weeks it has been me, keeping him informed of what has been going on. And he slaps us in the face to try and get one over me, He needs to get out of the playground and grow the hell up! He even announced the birth of the baby on my Facebook page, despite my daughter wanting him too! He told me that my daughter didn't want me to know because I would put it on Facebook - yet he was the first to do it. He has been spiteful and ignorant of the whole sorry saga and now as we are dealing of the fallout of what has happened, he carries on as normal as he see's nothing wrong with my daughter being with her boyfriend. As for me, I am grieving..... Grieving for the daughter that I seem to have lost along the way and grieving for the grand child that I have been stopped from knowing details about.

When my daughter first got pregnant and I was buying things for her baby, I could do no wrong and it was her dad who she slagged off. As soon as her dad started paying for private scans and giving her money, then he became flavour of the year. With my daughter, who ever benefits her more financially is the person she will be loyal to.

She has lost family members and lifelong friends through her recent actions and very sadly many people have been hurt, her actions are not her, but because they were fueled by my ex husband they spiraled out of control.I have no idea where the baby is, I have no idea what the future holds for her but I do know that my ex husband will never be forgiven for his actions through out the whole incident. I haven't even told Tilly about the baby being born because I know it will break her heart not to see the baby and my daughter is refusing to pick up the phone to her. Tilly said to Kim the other day 'Kimmy has my sister forgotten me?' Now that's just sad!

EDITED - After a phone call from the police in Worcester, they suggested I remove the name of my grandaughter, I have agreed to this but in an attempt to make the post disappear, my daughter has deepened the divide between us when she could of asked me personally to remove the babies name. I do not wish any sadness to my daughter but I am the person left in the town she has grown up and having to explain why she won't announce the birth. Its okay when you have moved away and you turn your back on people that were your friends and family, but its not okay for the people left to deal with the fall out! I have removed her name to protect her.

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