Thursday, 26 May 2016

Being A Grown Up

So Tilly and I have been living on our own for a month now and amazingly we are still both alive! I sometimes think to myself  'FFS, you are a 43 year old woman and you need to grow up!' I am useless with responsibility and I just brush it aside to do something more irresponsible, after all don't you think that is more fun?

After my son left I felt like a kid, you know when your a teenager and your mum goes on holiday and leaves you home alone for the first time? well that was me and Tilly. We bought takeaways, rearranged the house a little bit. We stayed up late and walked around the house naked. Then after that period, I started to panic about being in the home by myself, I slept with all the lights on so it looked like my house was full. I even considered setting up the house like Kevin does in Home Alone! Suddenly having to be the grown up didn't seem to be so much fun.

Then the routine was set in place, being a working mum is incredibly hard for a family with two parents. But being a single working mum is even harder, childcare is such a juggle all the time. I am lucky, Kimmy lives in town and she is helping out as well as friends but gone are the press trips to London if they are adult only. Even though we have a routine in place, it just takes one thing to go wrong and it throws the whole lot out of sync, If Tilly gets the sniffles I pray she isn't going to be ill. In fact we have a new rule, she can be ill on Monday and Tuesday (my days off) or she can be ill on a Thursday (Kim's day off), otherwise if she is ill when I am supposed to be working, then I lose a days wages and I can't afford to do it.

There have been a close call or two with our routine, especially when I am trying to get home after work, If I miss the bus connection then I am stuck in the next town - I mean what bus company has the last but at 6.16pm? its a bit of a joke really. But as I get off the bus, Kimmy gets on to go home, sometimes we are like ships that pass in the night. We seem to work it out, I actually think that half of the time I blag it, I blag being at life. I think people look at my life and think 'she is a blogger and she gets so much stuff and help, her life is a piece of piss' actually it isn't. I am constantly exhausted, sometimes I can cope with so many difficult things in my life, but throw something simple into the equation and I just can't cope ...... cue meltdown.

Being on your own with a small child can be extremely lonely at times. As much as I love it just being us two (it has never been just us), I miss the adult conversation. Sometimes I really want to talk to someone and there is nobody there, I will catch up with my messages on social media, but then I get no reply. I suppose now everyone else is busy with their own lives and they don't have time for little old me.

But we have managed a whole month on our own, and I sit here with a glass of wine in my hand celebrating one of my biggest acheivements in a long time. Cheers, my dears and here is to the next month!

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