I suffer from Bipolar and it was diagnosed after my severe PND after I had Tilly. So for the past 4 years since my diagnosis I have learned to live with it without medication because I am a believer that you cannot learn about mental health if you are medicated. You don't learn to live as yourself if you are taking medication to change the way you are thinking. My Bipolar on a whole is only mild and I can live without medication, but don't get me wrong because there are times that I can't get by without anti depressants but I see the signs and I go to the Drs and get help. Not many people actually notice I have it, So they are shocked that I say it is part of me. Bipolar people don't just do things subtly, they do it to an extreme! What I am about to write has only ever been spoken about once before when I was getting my bipolar diagnosis, so If it offends my friends - Sorry, but its who I am and I have kept it a secret for long enough.
This week though I think that people probably DID notice that I have bipolar because for the past five days I have really been 'suffering' (I say that lightly because I actually love this feeling!) from hypersexuality.
Hypersexuality is best explained like when you have a high sex drive (Ladies, you know that time of the month, before your visitor comes and your sex drive soars?) well you need to times that by 10! You wake up in the morning and from the moment you open your eyes sex is on your mind. All you want to do is to put it bluntly HAVE SEX. You flirt with anyone and anything and you get so high and have a feeling of euphoria that just won't settle until you are flirting with someone. To make it even worse, if there is someone that you can't have - then your hunger for sex gets worse and you really go out of your way to have sex with them.
You scramble through your phone book on your mobile phone for the men that you think might be up for a one night stand and all you want to do is shag anything that accepts your advances. Then you just simply walk away, because it isn't love - its just sex pure and simple. It is to feed your hypersexuality, its to satisfy your hunger. You feel confident and you think that every man in the room whats your body and is attracted to you, you think that you are basically every mans love dream - but in fact you are offering sex on a plate, and that's all they care about. But lets face it women, if a bloke offered it to us - We would take it wouldn't we? It is like a drug, you feel addicted and if you don't get it, you will go out of your way to obtain it.
So the past week I have been flirting with anything with a pulse, I have worn low tops to display my 'wares' and tempt men and I have actually got to sit back now as I feel it all wearing off a bit and think about who I have flirted with. It is a dangerous thing to do and it could cost you friendships or relationships, I now have to think about how I go about explaining to colleagues and friends why I was behaving like I was. Maybe writing this post is the cowards way of doing it. Maybe I hope that this will reach all the people I have misbehaved with this past 5 days.
Below is a list of symptoms of hypersexuality
- You are unable to achieve sexual satisfaction despite a lot of sexual activity
- You have an out of control sex drive
- You may want multiple sex partners, including strangers
- You will havin continuous affairs and put relationships at risk
- You use inappropriate and risky sexual behavior
- You use sex being used as a “painkiller”
- You find that sex doesn’t provide emotional satisfaction
- You mind is preoccupied with sexual thoughts, you think about it all the time
- You might have an increased use of pornography
Although I am embarrassed about my behavior and I won't go into details of the things that I have done over the past few days ...... But even a customer at work asked me if I was flirting with his mate ..... They were only in their 20's hahahah. This is Bipolar, and I learn to live with the different moods all the time, luckily this extreme doesn't happen all the time! Just because this is part of my illness it doesn't make me a slag or a whore, its who I am and its what goes on with my brain chemistry. Its something that probably could be fixed with medication but then It would take away my real personality too and I am not willing to do that.