Tuesday, 14 June 2016

When Your Child Asks Why They Don't Have Grandma's At Sports Days

When Tilly asked me today if I was the only person going to watch her in her sports day, it broke my heart! It made me realise that she has a full set of grandparents, but none of them can be bothered to be a part of her life. My mother decided to stop talking to me when I was pregnant with Tilly and was so unsupportive through my very difficult pregnancy and it then put a strain on any relationship with my dad. I have always supported my kids having a relationship with my parents until last year, just before Christmas and my parents both stabbed me in the back by telling my daughter things from my personal Facebook. This then put a strain on my relationship with my daughter and was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I will never speak to them again! I was trying to stand back and watch my groomed daughter from afar, trying to help her and keeping an eye on what was happening, my mum came in like she always does, took charge and did what she wanted to do, that was when I feel like I finally lost my daughter. My own mother took my daughter away from me when she was vulnerable and needed my support.

Her other grandparents, her dad’s parents have never wanted anything to do with her. After she was born I took Tilly to the post office where her grandmother lived and worked, I was shouted abuse at and told to leave and never come back! I had never been banned from a post office before, but there is always a first time for everything I suppose! The grandad never really says anything; we have had drunken conversations in the past but I can never remember what is said.

Her dad, he will always be her dad but he needs to sort out his life. I am not saying anything else because Tilly will read this as she gets older and I am a believer in kids finding things out about their dads for themselves. She needs to get her own opinion of her dad. It didn’t work out with her dad and I, but as she gets older – it might work out between her and her dad

So here we are, even her siblings are spreading their wings and finding their own way in the world. Kim has her own place now and tries her hardest to see Tilly most days and they have an amazing bond, she sees Kim as her second mum as well as a sister. Zach has gone to work in Rotterdam, he is enjoying working away and they skype and video call all the time. If she has something new, then she shows it to Zach over the video. We both love it that we live alone now but she is a very lonely child. All of her friends have siblings really close in age, she is the only one going through the whole process of her siblings moving out and making their own way in the world.

And that brings us to sports day, yes I am the only one taking her and supporting her, there will be dads, granny’s, grandads, aunties, uncles and then there is me. So it is a pretty lonely existence for me too, feeling like the only one there on my own. I want to be proud and share the moments like this with Tillys family. But like someone pointed out to me today, Tilly will have someone there with her and that will mean the world to her. There are kids doing sports day without any parents watching because they have to work, or other reasons.

Tilly’s family may be tiny but everyone in it loves her so much and she gets enough love from one or two people than she could get from a whole family of people. The grandparents and dad that choose not to have anything to do with her, are the ones losing out, they are the ones with the lonely existence – not me.

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