Monday, 1 August 2016

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

Sorry for the impersonal opening, but I don't even know what your name is now, I don't know if your forever family have changed it. Everyday I think about you, it was worse in the run up to your first birthday. I don't know where you are or what you are doing because you were adopted for your own safety. You needed protecting from your dad, I wont bad mouth him, because I know you need to make your own opinion up as you grow up.

Stock photo from

I wanted to give you a home, I wanted to be your nanny and I wanted to love you. But so did your mum, she wanted you so much and in the end we both lost you to strangers. Those strangers are now your parents, the ones who are protecting you and loving you. You will always be my grand daughter and I know that one day we will meet, I am determined of that.

You have such a special little place in my heart, and we will be celebrating your birthday in our own little way. We are in Europe, because It has been such a difficult year for everyone. I wanted a distraction, I wanted to show your aunty Tilly, that there are still good people in the world. She has been through so much for such a little girl, she knows things that six year olds shouldn't know.

I have lost count of the amount of tears that have rolled down my cheeks, thinking about you and how things should have been. I feel empty inside as if I had lost one of my own children, you are part of us and I know you you always will do. I hope you have the same spirit that your mummy has, because that makes you who you are and you will always have something of your mummy in you.

I am writing you this birthday letter because I hope that you will use the internet to search for your family as you get older and come of age. I hope and pray you will find us when the time is right, Some days I think that is the only thing that keeps me going. Every day, month and year that passes means I am getting closer to meeting you. I won't look at it as it has been a year since you were born and taken away, I will look at it as only 17 more year until we are able to meet you. By then you will be a beautiful young lady, maybe even the same age as your mum was when she had you. You would love your mum, she is so spirited, she is beautiful and she knows what she wants - nobody can make her change her mind. Your mum wanted the best for you, she really looked forward to you being born, she loved cuddling her belly when you were inside her and she loved to talk about her plans for when you were born. She had everything a mum could ever need for a baby and more. She really does love you like we all do.
Stock photo from

We have all been through a huge life change over the past year and your aunty Kimmy has been a good help, she has been the sensible one out of us all, but it hurt her so much, she maybe 24 but for a while she became my little girl again. You would love her, she would be spoiling you rotton like she does with Tilly.

I know your adoptive parents are looking after you, they are your mummy and daddy. They will protect you from all the bad in the world because that's what mummy's and daddy's do.

We all wish you the happiest of birthdays, Always in our heart

Nanny, Kimmy and Tilly.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Vicky, I'm so sorry you've had to write this. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. You've been such a strong, inspirational woman over the past year and I hope things start to look up for you and your family soon. x


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