Yesterday was my daughter's 21st birthday, only,we were not able to celebrate with her. I did not dwell on the fact that it was another milestone of hers that I have missed, because too much of our time and heartache has been taken by Nathan Green (for those that have only just arrived in our life, or just come across the blog - he is a convicted paedophile). Nathan Green has taken so much from me and I am not letting him take any more.
It is a shame that we have not been able to celebrate her birthday but we just went away for the weekend instead, In fact a friend said to me 'Did you remember Beth's birthday'. Of course I had but these days I don't let these occasions upset me. I know we are still grieving for everything that has happened, but we are getting there and I can really see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just a few loose ends to tie and then we will be so much better as a family. We are moving forward for the first time in a year and I must say that I love life at the moment.
Tilly is still really confused as to what has happened to her sister, she asked me the other day if her sister had been murdered. I told her no - but I was taken aback. I never dreamed my 6 year old would be having a conversation with me about murder. Again I suppose I found myself making excuses for my daughter, I told Tilly that she was just too busy at the moment, what else was I supposed to say? We did get word to my daughter about how Tilly thought she was murdered and could she get in touch with Tilly, but never got a call. i feel so disappointed for Tilly. I am lucky that we now have a councillor in place for Tilly and I was able to chat to her about what was going on. Tilly seems to be doing so well with her and again Tilly is laughing and being a carefree kid that she should be.
But I do wish to help my daughter celebrate her 21st birthday, even if it is from afar. I know that she reads the blog and it seems like the only place to be able to offer her celebratory birthday wishes. She is still my daughter and always will be. But we are moving forward now and although we do miss her still, until she is ready to come home then all we can do is wait for her.
So happy Birthday Daughter! We love you so much.