Friday, 2 September 2016

The Loves of My Life #30daysofgratitude

Today as part of the #30daysofgratitude post we are going to write about the loves of my life. We have linked up to, so please pop over and read some more posts

The Loves Of My Life

I love vodka and chocolate

The end.

Okay to be serious there are many loves in my life but nobody comes close to these 4 loves.

Kimmy - My first born, she is 24 years old now and she has turned into a beautiful, kind and generous person. When I see her doing so much for other people, I know that I dragged  bought her up properly. She is a carer for old people and she goes into their homes and helps them to stay independent for so much longer. She gets one day off a week and she uses that day to help with her little sister. So she never really gets a day off. She is so much like a second mum to Tilly and she tells people that she has two mums - I have to explain the family dynamics to people. Kim even looks after Tilly for two weeks so I get some time off for good behaviour and fly to Turkey for a holiday in the sun. Kim was written off at school and told not to bother going to Grammar school as she wouldn't manage.But the truth was that she has dyslexia and as soon as she got to grammar school - BOOM, she was diagnosed and got help. She finished school with A levels and went on to get a degree at uni for psychology and criminology. She makes me proud every day.

Zach - He is my boy! he is a typical boy. He loves his beer and golf, as well as his little sister. He has bought Pokemon to my house and introduced his little sister to Scooby Doo as well as other retro programmes. He doesn't say he loves me much, it's not very manly is it? But I know he does because when he was at school an incident happened where a young lad said 'Zach, your mum's a whore', a throwaway comment from an 11-year-old but It made Zach punch him to defend me. I got called to the school and they wanted to know what I was going to about it, but what could I do? Tell him off about defending his family? He does see himself as the man of the house, but he now lives in Rotterdam with the lovely Amber. It still feels odd that he lives in another country and all though he has lived in Norway before, I feel that he will stay in Rotterdam. I am happy with this because living in another country is such an experience. And he has bought Amber into our life, so we feel very lucky.

Beth - It still breaks my heart to talk about her, Tilly asks questions every day about her. She has gone off to do her own thing and all I can do is wait until she is ready to come home. I don't grieve for her anymore, If I did then I would cry everyday.. I feel there is a point where you have to move on. I see so much of Tilly in her, Tilly is a clone sometimes of when Beth was a child. she looks like her and acts like her. When Tilly does her things that remind me of Beth, then it makes me remember Beth as a child of 6 years old. I was always being called to the school because she wore red shoes. She would only wear red shoes, which part of that didn't the school understand? One day a teacher told her not to wear two watches to school (she has a digital watch and a clock face watch). She tried to explain to the teacher that she had got them both for Christmas and didn't want to upset anyone, so she would wear them both. Again the teacher told her off, so the next day she went to school with 5 watches up her arms. This is so Tilly and the kind of things she would do. Beth has always had spirit and so has Tilly. Beth reads my blog and I know she will be sitting there with a grin on her face and I want her to know as I always do, that I love her very much and when the time is right, she will know where to find us. I will always be her mum and I am ALWAYS here for her.

Lastly Tilly - When I was pregnant, we couldn't think of a name for her, As the older kids were aged between 14 and 17, I wanted them involved in everything. So we all chose her name and the only one that we liked was Matilda, that we could shorten to many other names like Tilly, Tilda and Mattie. She is 6 now and she is the light of all our lives. She has brought so much love into our life. Before she was born, I did feel like I was losing my family. they kids were all teenagers and very hormonal! they were arguing and fighting all the time and it was a stressful time. I got pregnant and my mother told me it was the worst thing I could have done. Those words stuck in my head for a long time and made me feel like I had done the wrong thing. But as my pregnancy progressed, my little family started to gel together again and after Tilly was born, I realised that my family were the closest that they had ever been. Tilly was our band aid baby because she brought my family back together again. We will all be grateful for this forever. She is such a funny kid and she is so polite and kind to others. She has inherited my sarcasm, so I think this will get her into trouble as she grows up. Tilly is going through a tough time at the moment and we are slowly working on it with help from her counsellor. She has so much love to give and we are all lucky to have her in our life.

So these are the people that I love, the people who mean more to me than anything. These are the people that I would die for and the people who can mess things up as much as they like, but I will always forgive them because life is too short not to. These are my people and I really love them to Gallifrey and back.

We are by no way the perfect family, but we are us. We have had some challenges and we have jumped the hurdles as they came. We still have problems but I know one day my family will be complete again. I know it could take me 20 years until that time comes but I want to thank my family for being part of my life. I live and breathe for them, They are my most precious things in the world. Even if things may not be perfect I love them so much that it hurts. I want to thank them for choosing me as their mum.

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