Monday, 31 October 2016

An Open Letter To An Irrelevant Person

A friend has asked me to post this on my blog as an open letter, it is anonymous but I a sure she isn't the only person to feel that her mum has let her down in life. As someone estranged from my own mother, I understand the content of the letter wholly and I know for a fact that this lady has gone out of her way to be a completely different parent to her children. She is an amazing mum and a beautiful friend. If anybody has any problems with the way their parent treats them then there is help with Childline or NSPCC 

Dear Irrelevant Person.

I won't name you but if you ever get to read this you will know who you are. Can I just start by thanking you for the impression you left on my life, if you hadn't been the way you were I wouldn't be who I am. I have spent my entire life seeking your approval, although on the surface I acted like I didn't care. I constantly spent my time bowing down to your demands of me, because I knew what would happen if I didn't. Growing up how I did was very cold and I would seek affection in other ways, ways that at the time I didn't see as wrong or inappropriate until I had grown up. This is something my children will never have to experience, no matter what's going on with my life there is always time for love and cuddles. My children feel wanted complete opposite to the inconvenience that I felt we were. I remember that feeling of disappointment when I would scan the crowds at school plays and sports days and you wouldn't be there. 

As a child I would make excuses even though my heart had sank, now I'm older I realise you had no excuse, you didn't have work. I make sure no matter what I've got going on my children will always see me there. I will never lie to my children the way you lied to us, it wasn't until I was an adult that I found out my Dad's supposed affair wasn't actually an affair. I won't tell you how I know, but I also know that it was you who has the affair around the same time my sister conceived and that's why my Dad had asked for a DNA test. 

The things you told us was stuff no 6 yr old should have to know. You spend years feeding us your poison making us feel bad about my Dad yet it was you that was having complete strangers in our home and introducing us to all your different 'friends' and expecting us not to tell anyone else about these 'friends'. I'm actually surprised I'm so normal after the stuff I've seen and been told by you. It's not until I'm older that I've realised, your so called discipline was a sick game. I would be allowed to do things with my friends all the time I was singing to your tune but at any time I couldn't do something you would change your rules without any warning and I would get punished. Like when you would phone me up to walk over an hour home to go to the shop which was only a few mins walk for you, I knew I had to do it or suffer the consequences for disobeying you. I remember you kicking me out late at night but telling the person who I was with that I was messing around behind his back, know that at that time of night it would only be his house I could go too. Luckily he had seen through your mind games and I was able to stay at his. It's actually really hard for me to type all this but as I'm doing it I can feel a ton weight lifting. When I was in labour with my eldest child, you started a row with me because I didn't want you there and yet you still turned up. That's exactly why I didn't tell you I was in labour with my second. Having my children was my moment to be there opposite to you and I didn't want you a part of that special moment. 

I have given you so many chances over the years and I let you have a good relationship with my children and I said that the moment you started playing with their head or using them in your games that contact would stop. In your true style you couldn't help yourself and you dropped them like a hot brick a few months ago when I hadn't agreed with something you said. Then once you got over your little tantrum you wanted to pick them up again. What you didn't see was the upset you caused to them, children should not be used like that. They need love and stability and thats not something I feel you can offer them. I had asked my Dad not to take sides this time on the promise that I wouldn't even mention you. Guess what, nothing. No phone calls, no texts and not even a card for kids birthdays. 

I'm actually beyond caring and I would much rather use my energy taking care of my husband and our children than using it on hating you. The most valuable thing you have taught me is to not be like you and I think I'm doing pretty damn well. 

So thank you Irrelevant Person.

**stock images were used in this blog post

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