Monday, 14 November 2016

9 Reasons Not To Go To The SuperMarket With Your Kid

i am not a homely mummy, I did all that rubbish when the older kids were little. I am a bit of a slap dash mum and If I don't have to get out of bed on a Sunday, then I wont. This week I was craving a roast dinner and like all failing parents, I had nothing in so it meant a trip to the supermarket at 10am on a Sunday. Here are the reasons why I never go to the supermarket with Tilly on a Sunday morning.

  • Because I should still be in bed, because I am so tired
  • Because I have a kid with me who wants to buy everything, so I tell her no because I am so tired.
  • Because I have a kid that wants sausages for a roast dinner and kicks off when I say no! So I shout Because I AM SO TIRED! 
  • Because my child ask's me stupid questions, when I am trying to function at this ungodly hour! Thats because I am tired
  • Because Kim phones you in a panic because your not still in bed and you are actually doing something parent orientated! 
  • Because the child then insists on pushing the trolley but starts to run pensioners down, like they are skittles, so I tell her off because I am so tired!
  • Because the spawn of Satan needs 12 punnets of raspberries at £2.49, because she is so hungry and no matter how much you tell them that you cannot afford that much fruit ( who am I kidding, we are not that healthy, she wanted 3 punnets!) you find yourself snapping 
  • Because you just want to throw yourself on the ground and kick the floor because your child will not listen to you whilst you are being a rational parent. Because I am so incredibly tired
  • Because I cannot find my debit card at the till, because my bag is full of Blogfest stuff, 100's of business cards, a laptop, 6 boxes of pain killers, a mini bottle of vodka, three loose (unused) condoms, retro sweets and you have to tip it all out on the checkout (trying to convince the helpful member of staff that you are not an alcoholic junkie) whilst trying not to cry. Because I AM SO F*****G TIRED
So my advice is don't take your kid to the supermarket on a Sunday morning. in face my advice is to stay in bed on a Sunday morning, Try and fool your kid into thinking you are fast asleep and leave a bowl of cakes and a packet of crisps in their bedroom for breakfast (if you leave enough it will stretch to lunch too!). Even better, put a chair against the bedroom door, to block the kids out. they will soon get bored and go and rummage for the food. I will never go shopping again on a Sunday morning and I am going to sort out my bag, you know that zippy compartment? its perfect for putting your vodka bottle and pills in! Then when you have to empty the bag in front of the checkout lady again, she won't have her finger on her phone speed dialling Social Services.

Have a great Monday guys!

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