There was a time when I thought that I would never let anyone come into my family. I wanted to protect them so much after what we had been through. I had decided that nobody would ever hurt my children again, I had decided that nobody was ever going to rip their heart out again. Sadly I was angry for a long time and nobody was going to be good enough for my family. I created a bubble and we felt safe in it.
Then you entered our life. I actually thought I would hate you. I thought that you would join the family and turn it upside down again for us, I simply wasn't strong enough to cope with it happening again. I practised my 'I like you' smile in the mirror, a dozen times. I tried not to have my serial killer face on, that day we met you for the first time. But I don't know why I worried about it. As soon as I met you, I felt the warmth that you radiated. I knew I would like you. Because of what had happened to us, I basically hate people when I first meet them, I don't know them and I don't trust them. If I gel with you on the first time I meet you, then you are special.
I was worried for Tilly too, she had lost her sister and I swore nobody would ever come into her life and simply walk away again. She asked me if you were going to take Zach away from us. But when you met her, you bought her with Frozen toys! She instantly fell in love with you. Now I actually think that you were the start of the healing process for my little family. You have not replaced Tillys sister, but you have gained a special part of her heart and you have become another sister to her. You have helped to heal her. She speaks so fondly of you and as for me, I have gained a daughter in you. My family is rebuilding slowly and maybe you were the bandage that we needed to hold our broken family together.
I know life isn't easy with me as a mother in law to be, but this is me and this is who life has made me, I am over protective of my children but that's the cards we were dealt with, No matter if they are 6 or 24, they are still my babies. You seem to get that, you seem to understand that we have been hurt in the past. We are still getting over it and Tilly has a long way to go, but you are there for her and you are helping her through it. She loves you even more now that you gave her Netflix!
Last Christmas there was a space at our dinner table, a space that we thought would never be filled again. This Christmas my table will be full again,all though there will always be someone missing. Last Christmas I couldn't face the thought of pretending to be happy around the Christmas table. This year I know for a fact that it will be happy.
Amber, you gave us a future, you gave us something to look forward to. More importantly you bought happiness back to my son, he has a sparkle again - a future. He isn't one for words but I know with you, he is going in the right direction. I cant wait until next year when you officially become my daughter. I know I am a grouchy bitch at times, but if I was happy all the time, then life would be pretty boring.
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