Wednesday, 6 September 2017

How It Felt To Send My Baby Back To School

My baby went back to school today after the summer break, it was a long one but we had fun. For the first time ever I have managed the whole working mum thing! Kim looked after Tilly on two of the days and then for the third day every week, I took holiday from work. So I didn't have to rely on anyone to look after Tilly, it took the stress out of being a working mum.

So now Tilly is in year 3 and she is a junior. I cannot believe how grown up she looked in her school uniform today. She is growing up so fast and I want the world to stop, so I can keep her little forever. Before I know it she will be leaving home, like the older ones. But as the older kids got to the age of leaving home, I knew I wanted another child. I think I was panicking about being left alone and knew that I had the love to give to another child. But whats going to happen when Tilly leaves home? My Ovaries will be well and truly dried up by then. So Miss Tilly, If you would kindly stay little forever, then I would be very grateful.

I did feel a little disheartened as she left for school this morning. We were at Kidzania at the weekend and in an activity, she had to read a cue card. She said to the man 'I can't Read'. She can read basic words but what she said cut through me like a knife. I felt like a bit of a fuck up of a mum, as if I had let her down. Tilly has severe dyslexia and she really struggles to read and write. she is stuck at the level of the end of year 1. She has to work so much harder than other children and when she said she couldn't read, it broke my heart in to two pieces.

Every time she asks me how to write a b or a d, my heart sinks. Kim has severe dyslexia too and I don't ever remember her finding reading and writing this hard. I try to encourage her to read, we have Reading Eggs at home, that she does in her own time but it isn't enough and when she isn't at school, the last thing she wants to do is more work on something that she really struggles with. Reading Eggs is fun and very interactive but it's almost as if she is scared to read and write in case she gets it wrong.

Dyslexia comes from my side of the family and to know that you have passed it down to your kids, makes you feel so full of guilt. I remember as a child, struggling at school. I remember how it felt to struggle with words and numbers. Although I probably have it on a smaller scale than my children, but I am 44 years old and I still cant tell the difference between left and right!

This year we are going to make it a priority to read the school book that comes home from school. This year we are going to fight this dyslexia and we will come out as a winner! Tilly has gone back to school feeling confident, refreshed and happy, that is all that is important to me. I know she will do good.

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