Tuesday, 5 June 2018

Are You Always There For Your Friends

You know when you think you're really good friends with people and then it takes the flip of a coin and everything changes? I hate that, but recently its happened. Not only to me but to people I know. Friendship is all about knowing who you can reach out to when you're in times of need and then help them the best you can. Friendship is about not judging what's happening and to go straight in there to protect your friend, your buddy, your mate (whatever term you use to explain a friendship.)

If a friend needed me, without a doubt I would be there. Sometimes it's not as easy as that though because you don't know what they are hiding from you in order to protect the ones that they love as well as you quite often. But when you're there for someone to support them in their hour of need, but in return just get a kick in the teeth back, then it's not a friendship at all. It's a onesided thing where someone is going to get as much as they can from you and then just throw you on the rubbish tip when they are done.

Because of my anxiety and mental health problems (these are not always obvious to people) I take a while to 'like' anyone new. But then there are times when I can instantly take a liking to someone. If I meet anyone new, I keep them at arms lengths until I feel that I can trust them. If they piss me off in the initial 'friend filter' period then that's it, they don't get a second chance.  Harsh I know! But I always had to protect myself from having Tilly and loads of people walked away when I had a breakdown. Nowadays I explain to people that I don't like them to start with, but its nothing personal at all and I struggle with letting people into my life, but once they are there then they stay there forever.  Yes, I argue with my friends and we fall out, but doesn't every healthy relationship have its up and downs? Its how you find out more about each other.

Recently some people let a friend down very much indeed, these people were supposed to be her friends! Of course, some of them had failed my 'friend filter' years ago and I am not the type of person to sit smugly in the corner and say 'I told you so'. Sometimes I just want to say ' Where the fuck is your friendship? Oh, that's right, you left in in the gutter like you do with your knickers at Butlins'.

A family is always there for you, and family isn't always about blood, it's about the ones that choose to be part of your family. Family are the people who you choose that you want to be with you in the times of crisis. When my mum walked out of my life a few years ago now, my aunt stepped in to become Tilly's Nanny and my uncle became 'Grandad'. Without that happening, Tilly wouldn't have had any grandparents at all and I would have had nowhere to turn to when I needed a mum figure. They say that you can't choose your family, but you can!

Sometimes it is hard to help a friend if you don't really understand how sad they feel. Have a read up online and see if you can get any tips on how to offer them some help and advice. This article from Betterhelp is good and offers ways to help to understand why your friend may be struggling at the moment.

Look after your friends because you will never know when life is going to throw you a curve ball and destroy something they have.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Dear Daisy .... A Letter To A Lost Grandaughter

Dear Daisy I have been thinking about you a lot recently because you started school this September. I can't believe the time has gone ...