Tuesday, 3 July 2018

Ways To Save A Marriage With Marriage Counselling

This month marks 23 years since I separated from my husband. I was 22 years old and had been married for less than a year. Sometimes I wonder what would have been if we had worked towards the marriage, and put as much effort into it as we had put into arguing. I often think how more stable my kids lives probably would have been if we had stayed together and worked out our differences. Have you ever been in a situation where your marriage isn't working? Maybe you're going through it now. I feel that I was so young when I separated, everything happened so fast, we had kids, got married and I was pregnant with my third child. It was feeling a bit like a fair ride, that you want to get off - especially when I had to contend with the separation too.


In today's blog post, I want to look at ways we can work to save a relationship. You don't even need to be married to ask for help either, many of us are in long-term relationships and have kids together but it doesn't make you any less likely to need help with a failing relationship. Working on problems within a marriage or long-term relationship can be a daunting process and there are people out there to help you and ways that you can help yourself too. Every marriage or relationship is unique to the two of you, so communication is one of the keys to working things out.

Have you tried actually talking to each other? Often we talk to each other, but we don't actually listen. Set aside your differences and maybe make a list of things that you struggle about in the relationship and talk to each other about them. See if you can come to a happy medium and work things out between yourselves. Compliment each other again, take notice of the little things in life and even the smallest compliment can make your partners day.

If you really can't work things out, it might be time to look at marriage counselling. It's not as scary as it might seem. The counsellor is there to offer support and unbiased advice to help to keep you on track. A marriage counsellor will work with you a few different ways to help you remain in the relationship.

Listening - The marriage counsellor will listen to you both, she isn't there to take sides and she won't judge you for how the relationship is failing.

Keeping it real - The marriage counsellor will help you with discussing underlying problems that could be causing problems within the relationship. If you have been physically or mentally abused in the past or if there is alcohol or drug dependency within the relationship or anything that could be causing underlying stress and making the relationship work harder. Sometimes we don't want to talk to our partners about these problems as its so difficult, but its easier to talk to a marriage counsellor.

Makes suggestions to save the relationship - when we are in a situation like a failing marriage or relationship, we cannot see a way out, we feel like we are drowning in a sea of despair. A counsellor can see a way out, she isn't emotionally attached to the relationship, so she can often see things that we can't. Then this suggestion gets passed on to you. 

They state the obvious - being in a marriage is like being in a special little team, you and your partner against the world, but we get lost along the way. Kids come along, career opportunities come along and before we know it, we are too exhausted or lost in our relationship to remember that we are a team taking on the world. We forget how important we are to each other. The counsellor will help us to remember this and bring a couple back together again.


They see you as a couple or individual - I actually tried to get my husband to do marriage counselling and he wasn't interested, but at the time I didn't know that you could see a counsellor on your own. It is very common for a woman to go to see a marriage counsellor before her husband decides to come along too.
Its a level playing ground - Seeing a marriage counsellor in their office, is often a good way to get out of the house to discuss the marriage or relationship. Having another adult in the room means there is less arguing and one person can talk at a time, meaning the other one has to listen. The Counsellor remains impartial and will listen to both sides and hopefully help you to work at fixing the relationship together. The counsellor will never judge you or question your choices. These days you can even do online marriage counselling to work on your relationship. This is excellent for busy lifestyles.


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