Tuesday, 4 September 2018

Mental Health - The Dark In The Room, That Nobody Talks About.

Let's talk about mental health!

I am sick and tired that it is 2018 and there are still stigmas with mental health when there should be more of an understanding out there. People sit behind their computers and become keyboard warriors, judging people with mental health problems, yet in the next breath, they will say that they don't understand mental health because they have never suffered with it. Well, woo fucking hoo for you, because  25 % of the world do suffer with mental health problems and they probably have more understanding and compassion than your little finger .


I have suffered with mental health problems for most of my adulthood. The first time I admitted that there was a problem was when I had a breakdown 23 years ago. I was 22 years old and I had 3 kids all aged three and under, my husband had walked out after 5 months of marriage and I was totally alone. I was full time at college and had no support . One day in a fit of rage, I knocked Kim across the room and when my three year old baby looked up, she had a nose bleed. I had done that to her because I was too scared to seek help.  I grabbed my kids and fled the house, I ran barefoot to a neighbour and sat crying on the floor of her home . I will never forgive myself for that day, my heart shattered into pieces. But I seeked help, and that was a turning point for me, I had anti depressants, counseling and managed to get through the next 23 years.

So here I am today, I have struggled for a long time and now it is almost normal for me. Your normal is completely different to mine, my normal is waking up in the morning and being able to cope with the day ahead. My normal means I am winning at life.

But what really makes me angry is that people are so judgemental about mental health, of course, people say to you " I'm here for you Hun!" Or "would you like to talk it out" But they hardly ever listen, and they never follow up and check you're okay.  Then suddenly they are shocked because that friend has commited suicide.  "If only they talked to me" or " she was always smiling" but did you really listen to what they were saying?

People can look at me these days and think that I have my shit together, but you know what? Some nights I go to bed and I am totally broken because I am exhausted, I am overwhelmed by the things going on in my life. I cannot cope with life like everyone thinks. I clown around and hide my depression, after all, it's taken 23 years of expertise to hide it so well as this.  I don't really tell people that I have bipolar, it's easier not to because people are judgemental, others are curious and I am happy with that because I can explain in my own terms how I feel and how life is for me.


Something I have also heard recently is about how kids aren't safe around parents with mental health problems. This makes me so angry because people are too judgemental and they don't know whether the parent is a fully functioning parent or not.  So my problems make me see the danger that might not be there, but that makes me a more protective parent, my child is safer than many others.I would rather my kid had a parent who is a functioning parent than a parent who is zoned out on medication and can't remember any of the kid's childhood. I have mental health problems but I am also a fucking awesome parent.

If you take anything from this blog post, please LISTEN to your friends. Be there for them and help them with support, check up on them and get them help if they need it. One day it might be too late and you will say "she never told me"


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