Monday, 21 January 2019

Can Pre-Marital Therapy Help A Relationship?

I recently wrote about how my marriage broke down after I fell pregnant with my third child. It got to the point where it was totally irreparable and we had no choice but to separate because we hadn't taken advice from anyone outside of the family and friend circle. Sadly when you take advice from family and friends, they want the best for you and they want you to be happy, but they will take the side of the person closest to them. So you don't always get the best advice. They are more likely to say 'Get rid of him, babe!' or 'you're better off without him' This isn't actually what's going to be the best for you, because you start to think that they must be right. Sadly my marriage only lasted 5 months!

I think we went into marriage without realising how difficult it could be, having to grow up and commit to each other. We had taken the route of having a child together ( I already had one child), so we had made that commitment, but he would still go home to his mum and dad when things got tough, he was a kind of weekend dad until we got married. So to us, being married was taking a huge leap, like it will be for anyone wanting to make a lifelong commitment.
Photo by Edward Cisneros Unsplash

If we had thought about the commitment of marriage more before we got married, then maybe our marriage would have lasted for longer. It's easy to assume that everything is going to be the same, but it isn't. After you get married, you start living together full time and you find out each other's little habits. You have to learn how to share everything from conversations on how your day went to the monthly salary. You also have to learn to really open up to each other and know that you can trust each other with your feelings. I know that I find it hard to talk to people about how I feel because I feel it's a sign of weakness. Turns out, if I had told my husband, how I feel - we might still be married. This is where Pre-marital therapy helps you to prepare for a life together.

So How Can Pre-Marital Therapy Help?
  • It builds communication skills between the two of you and helps you to solve problems that you might encounter in your married life. 
  • It will let you know more about your partner because you will learn so much more about them as you talk.
  • It gives you a chance to address any issues that you may have in your personal life and with your partner and have a qualified person there to offer advice and help solve them.
  • It will help you choose your future and how to build on it, you can talk about whether you want to plan a family and when you want to start it, or talk about what your financial goals are.
  • You will find it easier to solve any problems that you have in the future because the groundwork is put in for you to enjoy a long and happy marriage. 
  • Prevention is better than cure! Sometimes when you're married and you seek help, it could be too late and the damage is already done. 
  • You can discuss the roles in the marriage, who is the main wage earner, who will be the stay at home parent when you start a family.
  • You can deal with any anger issues that you have and ensure that they wont get in the way of protecting your marriage. 
  • You can deal with any past problems that might get in the way of your pending marriage, how you were treated in a previous relationship and you're worried about it happening again. 
Photo by Thought Catalog Unsplash

I wish I had been able to talk my ex-husband into something like this because we would have known each other that little bit more when we got married and been more understanding to each other as we lived together as a married couple. Many couples these days are so busy and say they can't find the time to meet together with a therapist, but you can do it online from your own home. It's easy to do and you feel more relaxed because you're in an environment that you feel happy and comfortable in. 

Did you have Pre-Marital Therapy?

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9 comments:

  1. I think the idea of pre-marital therapy is a fascinating one. I think it is so important for couples to communicate effectively before they walk down the aisle. If they struggle then I can see why pre-marital therapy may be very beneficial.

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  2. That is honestly so heartbreaking. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Don't say things like "if I had done ___" because a marriage involves two people. It's not your fault.

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  3. I do think it's so important to make sure you're both on the same page before you're married as really nothing much should change in your relationship when you get married. I am very much a believer that everything happens for a reason so maybe for you and your ex husband it wasn't meant to be x

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  4. I haven't had this but it sounds like a very sensible thing for many, if not all, couples to go through pre marriage.

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  5. I was with my husband for 12 years before we got married so I think that was our pre marital therapy. We had ironed out all the things that may have affected our marriage in the future but i think it's a great idea for those that need it.

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  6. It is great that you are being so open about this subject. Also, love the honest nature of the piece too xx

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  7. This is really interesting to read and I appreciate that you are sharing this to help others too. I do agree that communication is one of the key ingredients for a successful relationship.

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  8. I have never been in this situation, but I'd like to think it could work. Or is that just me being naive? I guess it all depends on the couple and who they are as people, you know?

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  9. It’s an interesting topic and I’d like to think it could make a difference, but it really would depend on the personality types of those partaking in it. It is great you’re speaking so openly about this topic, more honesty is needed about this type of thing.

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