Wednesday, 23 January 2019

Can Therapy Save A Relationship?

January is the hardest month of the year! We are all tired out from Christmas and we are so hard up in January after counting the cost of Christmas. This all adds up to stress and it put pressure on your relationship. I thought my relationship was solid but turns out it wasn't. We had married only 5 months beforehand and we were planning a new baby. Then suddenly without any explanation, he decided that he had changed his mind and he wasn't ready to add to the family. I could see his point because Our son was only 10 months old and I had spent most of his life suffering from PND. The problem was that I found out I was pregnant in the last week of January!

I told my husband and he hit the roof. He said that he hadn't wanted the child anymore, despite actually being part of making the child with me. He told me to have an abortion or he would leave me - so I told him to leave. I couldn't choose between my child or my husband, so I chose my child. Was it the right thing to do though?

Should I have tried harder to save my relationship with my husband, especially as we had two kids and another one on the way. I was 22 years old and I had nobody to turn to for advice. It's not the type of thing that I could ever speak to my mum to about, she had never liked my husband anyway and would hate him even more now he had left me. I took advice from other family members, but I knew in my mind that my baby comes first. I wasn't mature enough to deal with this on my own. I didn't know what options to take.

Photo by Kevin Lanceplaine on Unsplash
Had my marriage broken up a few years later, there would have been many more options to help me in saving my marriage. My husband refused to go to have some marriage therapy because he didn't want to pay to be in a room with a stranger, it would make him feel uncomfortable. Although it costs to see a therapist, in the long run, it could have saved my own relationship. My husband was worried about the cost of it, but how do you put a price on your happiness and your marriage? It's not all about the money either, it's about the emotional cost to the relationship too. The unhappiness that comes with not seeking help, the feeling of failure that you have when you cannot provide a happy stable life for your family and the thought of having to go alone because you didn't put enough fight into your relationship.

Yes, a therapist can cost you money because you may need quite a few sessions to get the relationship back on track, but surely your relationship is worth investing in? After all, it can cost a lot more money in the long run if you separate without trying to save your relationship. It cost my husband nearly £30,000 plus £400 a month until the kids turned 18. If only he had been open for therapy!

Do I regret not fighting more for my marriage? Yes! Should I have taken that first step and insisted on going to get some therapy for impartial advice on what could have effectively changed my kids future? Maybe. But whatever way I look at it, I know if we had taken advice from somebody outside of my family and friends network, then maybe we would still be married today.

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