Friday, 11 January 2019

Drowning In Debt, When will It End?

I'm in debt - right up to my eyeballs and there is no running away from it any more. A week before Christmas my world came crashing down when bailiffs turned up on my doorstep for a council tax bill that I thought I had paid. Turned out that I hadn't and they were here to take my possessions. It was a real wake up call and if it wasn't for friends, I wouldn't have been able to give them some money. I was lucky that they didn't take our Christmas Presents! I had already told Tilly that there wasn't going to be much for Christmas and that we were really hard up. Luckily she understood and told me that it was okay, its all about who you're with, not what you get. She is a wise kid that one.
I thought long and hard about writing this blog post because it is not how people see me, but it's my real life, and my life is on the blog. I want to be true to my blog. The bailiffs took all of the money that I had and only left me enough to get to work the next day. We had to go to the food bank and ask for help. It's not something that I am proud of, but its something that happened to us. It's real life and its how easily poverty can hit a family. Debt can make you feel like your drowning sometimes.

So many people assume that I get all Tilly's gifts sent to us for 'free' and people told me that I would be okay because of all of the free toys Tilly gets but it doesn't work like that. Firstly I work for the things we get on the blog and then its only things that we get asked to review. Secondly, they are not sent to me to wrap up for her for Christmas, they are for her to review and put on the blog before Christmas. So it really doesn't help me for Christmas. People assume that a bloggers life is easy and you get everything you could ever want. I just roll my eyes at them in disbelief. This is my reality though and I had to ask a friend for help. I'm a really proud person and I don't like asking people for help. I like to prove I can do it all by myself, but obviously, I can't. I needed help and had to ask for it. I spoke to some friends about what had happened and a colleague lent me the money for Tilly's main Christmas present and another friend sent her loads of gifts. Another friend sent a gift of money to get our food shopping. I am so grateful for friends!

I am a working mum with a good job working 2 days a week and then some extra work on the blog, So why can't I make ends meet? I know! It's the government, you Fuckers! You need to sort it out for a proper living wage in this country. Otherwise more and more families are going to slip into the poverty trap and have to rely on charity to help them too. Our children shouldn't have to struggle in this life, We are one of the richest countries in the world, yet our families are living in poverty. Poverty which is only going to get worse with Brexit. The country is so unsure with how things are going to be when we leave the EU.

I have always said that my work wages ensure I can survive, but my blog means that I can actually live, but my blog wages now only help me to survive. I work out of town and my train fare is the same as an hour and a half wages, so for three hours a week, I am working for nothing. We really do live in a fucked up country. Now after Christmas, the train fares have gone up again in price and wages don't go up until April but they don't go up enough. It doesn't help when companies email me asking me to work for them for free, or on the promise of future work. I cannot live on fresh air, and I'm pretty sure they are not working for free. They take the mickey out of bloggers and use them to their benefit to get free advertisement.

I am trying to sort myself out now and this year will hopefully help me be more sensible with money. In the meantime, I am getting on with paying back people that have lent us money to get by and trying to be savvier with my money, but at the same time trying to give Tilly a good quality life. Trying to make sure that she doesn't miss out on anything due to my awful money handling. This is a new year and I'm ready to face it head-on.

If you're in debt you can get help from CAB, and Christians Against Poverty, Trussell Food Banks and Turn2us. Speak to family and friends too, they will help you out.

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