Saturday, 6 April 2019

To My Friend Who Has Been Manipulated

Dear Friend

It's easy for me to sit behind my laptop and write this but it's so much harder to say it in real life. You were a happy bubbly girl a few years ago. You always made me laugh and you always looked beautiful when we went out. Then you met HIM! You changed, It all happened so fast and you moved away. Alarm bells were ringing because this is what happened to my daughter after Nathan Green groomed her. Manipulative men cannot wait to isolate you from your friends and family and they do everything they can to make you happy and secure, whilst planting doubts in your mind as they do this. Your BF added me on Facebook, the day I met him and we were at the local pub, having a drink in the sun when he said something that made me think that he wasn't so nice. I disagreed with him and he deleted me from Facebook. I can only think that he saw he couldn't pull the wool over my eyes. There was something from that moment that made me feel uncomfortable about him, but I thought that maybe it was just me.

I saw how happy he made you and you were so insecure with men after being so hurt in the past, so brushed off my feelings. We saw less and less of each other but the times we did get together we had a laugh, although I had to be careful what kind of pictures I put online of you. I am not in a relationship, so I guess that I don't know what the rules are between a couple when you go out on your own.

Now, I see a sad friend who has pushed everyone who is close to her away, including me. I know we had drifted apart over the past few years but that's what happens when you have a relationship - you put everything into the relationship to keep it fresh and fun. You had always worried about your weight but I saw you putting weight on, was he feeding you up so nobody else would look at you or were you just happy in yourself eventually? I don't know.

Now you have completely cut off contact with EVERYONE who loves you and cares for you. The people that were always there for you over the past few years, the ones who stood by you when you were in trouble and the ones who also relied on you for support and love. You have ghosted everyone close to you. Although I don't feel sad, because I can't make you be my friend - I do feel disappointed with what you have done. I thought we were all so close, we had been so close to each other over the years and we shared so many secrets. Now there is nothing. Not even a message to say why you were cutting me from your life.

Have you watched Dirty John? If not, you need to watch it. The boyfriend seems so kind at the start of the story, then as time goes on he isolates her from her family and friends. He puts seeds of doubt into her mind and she cuts herself off from her friends and family because she thinks her boyfriend (then husband) is right and he knows best. Please watch it and see if you see some similarities with your life.

I know you won't see this or even bother to read it because sometimes the truth hurts but in the meantime I have to watch my friend be drawn deeper and deeper into his life. What scares me is that there is going to be nobody left for you to turn to now that you have pushed them all away. It will go wrong because one day you will realise whats happened, you will know that he is doing this to his own gain. I don't want you to have nowhere to turn to if you're in need of a friend. He is a manipulator!

I really do hope that I have got everything wrong, but I went through something similar with my husband, he cut me off from my friends and anything other than him and the kids. He cut off the home phone, so I couldn't even speak to my family because he told me that I didn't need anyone else other than him. Thing is - I fought it, I got rid of him. It wasn't easy and I had to be strong for a while, but I did it. Luckily friendships were not damaged yet it took over 20 years for me to be able to say that I was abused, and that was only because a social worker pointed it out.

Everyone is getting on with their lives and carrying on as normal but there is always going to be a part missing and that part is you.

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