Saturday, 8 June 2019

What To Do When You Have Been Ghosted

noun: ghosting
The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
"I thought ghosting was a horrible dating habit reserved for casual flings"
I'm sure we have all been ghosted once or twice in our lives, it can come from friends or partners and it can be really hurtful. Recently I was ghosted by someone who I have known for years, but you know what? It wasn't the first time that it happened. This time I found it easier to cope with because I am a stronger bigger person. the person that ghosted me, has lost more than I lost! The first time it happened was on the day I had Matilda, a friend of mine was coming to see me, she was my best friend and I was excited to show her my baby. She never arrived and after that, the relationship went downhill and she stopped answering my calls, she turned hateful and in the end cut off all contact. It took weeks for me to actually realise what had happened and even longer to understand why she had done it.

Don't text them - If you text them, they won't text back and you're going to feel even worse because you are genuinely being ghosted. As much as you text them, they will ignore it.

Don't call them - they are not going to pick up, you will only get upset and they are going to have 547 missed called from you which will make you look like an obsessed ex-friend or partner. Don't let them think that you are missing them.  As hard as it is you, need to make it look like you're not thinking about them.

Don't write sad updates on your social media - don't let them think you are pining for them! Keep it all to yourself or talk to your friends instead.

Don't cry over them - okay, this is a difficult one because you want to cry. You want to cry, scream and throw things about but at they really worth all of that upset? You need to stop with the tears because they didn't shed any over you. 

Don't get mad with them - there is a reason that they have ghosted you and although you don't understand why they have done it, you can be the bigger person and still be nice to them, people hate it when you're nice to them after they have done something bad to you. 

Don't take them back - it's hard not to want to be friends with someone after being ghosted or to get back into a relationship but you have to never go back to them.  If they treated you like this once, they will do it again.

Don't be arsey with them - if they come and speak to you, be polite and speak back. Be the better person and show them you are 'so over them'. If they are being arsey to you, then just smile and walk away because you can do this, you can show them you are over them. 

Don't dwell on what should have been - yes, it probably should have been, but it wasn't so there is nothing you can do about it. 

Don't be sad - you don't want them to think that they have hurt you, even though deep inside you are so upset and you just want to scream! Don't let them think they have beaten you down and that you will never get over them.

Here are some things to really turn the experience into a positive one, I know it's hard - I have been there too. But if you follow these tips and remember that you are lovely, this was not your fault and it only shows the other person out to be the negative one, then you can start to get ready to move on.

Do believe in yourself - what has happened is not your fault, it's not a reflection of who you are or who you have become. You are still you, you are awesome and you are the better person for acting with dignity. You can get over this and move on to meet new people and you can do this!

Do be the better person - If you see them in the street, don't snarl at them or make faces, yell or scream at them. You are the better person and if you are nice to them, they are going to hate it more because the guilt of how they treated you will set in.

Do your best to not take it personally - This is all their doing and not a reflection on the person that you are. You need to know it's not your fault.

Do take the experience and learn from it - it's happened now, so there is nothing you can do about it, but you know the signs and you can help others that have been ghosted by a loved one or a friend. It is hurtful to be ghosted, but you can help others through it

Do look at the red flags and be aware of them for future friendships and relationships - take the experience and learn from it, if you were overbearing and scared them off, then try not to be like this next time. If there were signs that you missed the first time but realised what they were after you were ghosted then remember them. 

Do move on  - The best thing you can do is to move on from the experience, if you have it hanging over you, then you are going to feel so down in the dumps or angry for a long time. The world is a big place and there are loads of people waiting to get to know you. Move on and put it all down to experience. 

Do set boundaries for future relationships and friendships. - with the experience of being ghosted in a previous relationship, you will know what boundaries to set for the future, if you're worried about getting too close and too quick, then take it at your own speed.

Have you ever been ghosted? Do you have any tips on how you coped in the aftermath? Leave us a comment below.

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