How To Help Your Child With Their Self-Esteem

Last Updated on: 19th May 2022, 05:52 pm

Help your child With Self-Esteem

As soon as your child leaves primary school and heads off to secondary they lose all of their confidence. The child that was at the top of the school and very confident will find themself at the bottom of the school again and struggle with the work. But there are ways you can help your child with their self-esteem.

You need to be able to talk to your child to encourage them to be confident in themself. They need to know how difficult things can be, they need to believe in themself. Here are some tips about helping your child with their self-esteem.

Realistic Expectations

As an adult, we know not to expect too much in life, because life just throws shit back at us if we expect too much. As a child, they envisage things in their head and they think their expectations will be the same. Sadly it isn’t always. For example, when they go to secondary school, they have heard great stories from the older pupils. But the reality is so different, they get pushed and shoved in corridors. They end up at the back of the dinner queue and end up with cold food.

Speak to your child about realistic expectations when they go to their new school. Tell them what to expect, explain that they will be the smallest in the school again. Get them ready to be separated from their friends, and explain they will make new friends.

Speak To Your Child About Their Fears

When kids are little they are cocooned from things that can scare them. But as they get older, they start to worry and fear things. For example, as your child gets older and wants to start meeting friends in town. Although they love the idea, they are still that scared little girl or boy. They worry about money, about getting to town, about losing their friends, about buying the wrong things, about being home on time, about using public transport. The list is endless and if your child suffers from anxiety, this could make the self-esteem become unhealthy. Talk to your child, go through the motions with them, make sure they have enough money. Tell them to phone you if they need to.

Speaking to your child about their fears will build up really healthy self-esteem and they will feel confident and ready to go it alone. Your child is going to have so many fears as they grow up, from starting periods to the thought of you dying. Encourage your child to speak to you about her fears, a problem shared is a problem halved. Although you are not going to die anytime soon, your child is worried you will be. And even if it seems like a little thing to worry about – it is a huge thing for your child to be worrying about.

Social Media

You might be the parent that allows your child to have social media, but you might be the parent that doesn’t. If you let your child use social media by the time they start secondary school, then I hope you have taught them the dangers of it. Not allowing your child to have social media isolates them from their friends, and makes transitions from being a tween to a teen more difficult. If they use social media behind your back, then you will miss the dangers that cause their self-esteem to take a nosedive.

Social media is often the route of all evil. As adults, we know social media posts are fake, yet we still yearn to be like the size 2 model in an Instagram picture with perfect hair. So can you imagine what this does to your child? ‘Influencers’ are given this name because they influence people with the way they look and the way they act. But not all ‘influencers’ are the same as they seem in their posts online.

All our kids see are beautiful people that are stick thin with big lips and nice breasts. Then they look at themselves and they feel fat and ugly, even though they are normal. Your teen will look normal against her friends, but they don’t see it. Some influencers do not care about the influence they have on teens these days. The reality is that they are the same as the next young lady in a street but they have chosen to filter their photos and adjust their body using photoshop. It is easy for anyone to look 3 stone lighter in a photo.

Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations bore some people to death. But having a positive mindset will help your child to build up positive self-esteem. A few years ago when Tilly had problems with her confidence, we used to stand in front of a mirror. Then she would say to herself ‘I am beautiful, I am confident and I am me.’ Then she would go off to school happily.

Even parents need some positive affirmations to build us up again. So we have written a blog post here to help you. Find some positive affirmations to tell your child. Tell them they look beautiful before going to school. Tell them they are strong and get them to repeat it back to you.

You could make a jar and put some affirmations in there, for your child to pull out every day. Just write simple affirmations like below, and I am sure you can think of so many more.

• I love myself
• I believe in myself
• I accept myself as I am
• I deserve love and respect
• I know my worth
• I am unique and wonderful

Red Flags

Your child might not feel like talking to you, but you might notice their behaviour has changed. Here are some red flags to look out for that could alert you to the fact your child is struggling. knowing the flags can help your child.

• Self Harm – if you notice anything from cuts to excessive nail-biting, this is self-harm. You child might wear long sleeves in the summer, this is a red flag that they are hiding something on their arms.
• Drink And Drugs – Some teens find it easier to block the problems out with drink and drugs. This is easy to spot. The drink will be obvious and if they start using weed, you will smell it. some drugs are harder to notice. You might want to get professional help with this.
• Eating Habits Change – If they suddenly start eating more, or eating less then it is a sign of an eating disorder. Many kids do this to cope. They are conscious of their weight and they start cutting down dramatically on food. Or if they are unhappy they start bingeing on food. So you need to keep an eye on it, without making food an issue.

Together with your child, you can help them grow and develop positive self-esteem. For adult mental health tips, pop over here and read this and for adult self-esteem there are tips here for you.