Dear Daisy On Your 7th Birthday
Last Updated on: 1st August 2022, 12:57 am
Dear Daisy
Dear Daisy, my first born granddaughter, today you turned 7! Such a big girl now. Last night I should have been wrapping birthday gifts and blowing up balloons. I should have been saying goodnight to an excited little girl. But instead, I went to bed early.
It never gets any easier and after all these years I still grieve for the moments that we never will have together. I still grieve for the granddaughter that never was. The little girl who was ripped from my family because of one person’s evil thoughts.
Today you are old enough to be joining Kim’s Brownie group, but you never will. There have been so many things we have missed from your life and there will be so many more in the future. I keep telling myself that you are in a better place, but are you really? What if the family that has adopted you are not so nice? What if they are not giving you the perfect childhood that I yearn for you? I may not be your official grandma anymore, but you are my blood and I want to know you are protected.
Stuck In Limbo!
I know I should move on and let you live your life, but it is just so hard. The not knowing is eating me up inside. When people ask me how many grandchildren I have, if I am feeling strong, I will say that I have 2. I have one granddaughter who lives with a new family and I have Zozo. When I am not strong enough, I can only say I have one granddaughter. Not because I deny who you are, it’s because I am not strong enough to explain the situation. And I don’t want to face the fact that I lost a granddaughter.
Every year I count down the years until you can knock on my door and we can finally meet each other. 11 more years to go! 11 long years, and then there is no guarantee that you will come looking for us. Until then I will live in limbo and never be able to move on. Life absolutely sucks!
Have A Fantastic Birthday, My Dear Daisy
You will have an awesome birthday, I am sure of it. Seven years old now, and I remember how funny Tilly was at that age. And I am sure that you make your forever family laugh every day. May your day be filled with cupcakes, Disney princesses and stacks of presents. I hope your forever family grandma spoils you as I would. Grandchildren are an amazing gift and the day your grandma got you, she won the lottery. I will always be your first Grandma, but your forever family grandma is the one to spoil you.
Never Regretting Letting You Go
Although it is hard to live with the fact that you live with a new family, I will never regret the fact that we gave up the fight for you. You needed to be protected. You needed to never know where you came from and you never needed to have to look over your shoulder every day. Having to choose between my own daughter and granddaughter was the hardest choice that I have ever made. If we had given you a home, then it would put Tilly at risk of being groomed by Nathan. Because when he wanted to see you when he came off the sex offenders list when you are 10, then Tilly will be the same age as your mother was when he groomed her. It is a choice we live with every day.
We supported the closed adoption because it means he cannot get close to you. But knowing we made the right choice, doesn’t make it any easier. I thank God every day that you were saved from the life that you could have entered. I thank God that Nathan was caught and nothing happened to you.
Dear Daisy, when you are old enough to find us and understand what has happened, I want you to know that I never stopped thinking about you. I will never stop being punished for taking my eye off the ball and letting my daughter be groomed. I will never get my daughter back, but one day I hope to get my granddaughter back.
Love from Grandma
The pictures used in this Dear Daisy post are stock images from unsplash
