How To Learn To Love Yourself

Last Updated on: 14th October 2020, 09:27 pm

You have probably heard of the fact that you should “Learn to love yourself” Today, self-love is just as naturally spoken of as healthy eating or regular exercise.

But what if you find it difficult to love yourself?

Do you feel rejection or a guilty conscience because it is not so easy for you to look at yourself lovingly? Does that thought create additional pressure in you? “Now, in addition to everything that I already have to do every day, I also have to work on my self-love …”

But self-love is not a high-performance sport and does not require any effort.

Yes, you can practice developing your self-love. But not by planning additional mandatory exercises into your full calendar. Not even by smiling at yourself in the mirror and saying, “I love you”. When you feel tight inside, are exhausted and do not feel connected to yourself.

And certainly not by devaluing yourself for what you feel or don’t feel.

Your path to more self-love can be easy, liberating, and completely free from judgment.

You don’t have to do anything, accomplish anything, or be anything to learn and feel self-love. Maybe you don’t have to make an effort, do no tasks, keep deadlines, or meet expectations. You can be just the way you are.

You are good enough

How it feels to develop deep it

What is this mysterious self-love actually? To live self-love means to give yourself everything that you are looking for on the outside. You approach yourself like a loving, patient mother who is always there for you – no matter what is happening in your life or what you are doing and feeling:

• If you long for approval, you can give it to yourself.
• Perhaps if you want to be loved or comforted, you can awaken this feeling in yourself.
• If you have been injured, you heal that injury without outside help.

Your self-love gives you a deep connection with yourself so that you can meet each other in a benevolent and understanding manner. You love with your thoughts and feelings, and you stop judging yourself. You take full responsibility for your life and stand up for yourself lovingly and courageously – even if that means setting limits to others and sometimes saying no.

Can you imagine what it means for your life to be there for yourself like this?

What if I feel little or none?

You may notice resistance to these thoughts as you read:

“I don’t need that.”

“Really, I don’t have time for that.”

“I have to work.”

“It doesn’t work for me, anyway.”

I know these thoughts well from myself. Perhaps you also feel a longing for them, but don’t know how to bring more self-love into your life without it feeling like an additional obligation. You may even have tried in vain.

If you are currently not in your self-love, your life probably feels like a struggle every now and then:

• You feel constricted, trapped, you have hardly any air to breathe.
• Perhaps you never get enough recognition, approval, and understanding.
• You feel cut off from your feelings or surrounded by a wall.
• Criticism and reproaches hit you very much.
• You feel like you always have to be available – you find it difficult to set healthy boundaries and say no.
• Because of this, you are often tired, overwhelmed, irritable, or sad.
• You are afraid to say what you really think and feel.

I felt all of these things myself before I learned how to develop my self-love gently.

How I found my very own way in self-love

I used to be a long way from loving myself. I felt trapped in my own life and misunderstood by everyone else. My daughter, in particular, kept telling me that I was overstrained, injured, and helpless.

Of course, I rated myself for it – in addition to my constant stress, I also felt guilty because I was simply “not good enough”.

The change began for me in 2015 when I got to know breathing consciously. Breath by breath, I came back into the loving connection with myself – and that in a gentle, unintentional way, without any pressure or judgment. This experience alone – just being with myself for a few minutes and not being able to go wrong for once – was very healing for me. But of course, breathing consciously is only one possible way to develop your self-love.